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“Is there something I can do today to help you?” It’s one strategy I haven’t used enough of my married life, but when I have he has always been grateful.

It’s not genius or innovative. It’s a simple question, but one that indicates I’m living from my priorities one day at a time. Derek can look around the house and see all that needs to be done. He has access to our family calendar and knows all of the places I have to be. I think that makes him feel even more loved, that amidst my crazy, I’m stopping, looking at him and asking, “What about you?”

So I used it today. I actually used it as a “we” since Gracie was sitting next to me and she had a long summer day ahead of her too. Besides including her in my language implied to her this posture of service was expected for her too.

“Well I just like being asked.” His cheeky tone indicated he was joking, but then a bit more serious, “You could pay these bills.”

He looked down at the pile of papers on the kitchen counter in front of him. The papers that had been there for almost a week because I said he needed to deal with them. I could do that. Do that for him. In fact I was the only one who could support him in that way today. Sometimes passion is not sexy. It’s faithful. Sometimes it is paying the bills so the other person can check it off of their mental to-do list and focus on what they are called to that day.

Not always, but sometimes.

This is an excerpt from Alex’s newly released book “Loving My Actual Life: An Experiment in Relishing What’s Right in Front of Me (Baker Books). Find it wherever books are sold.

Alexandra Kuykendall
As a mom to four girls, Alexandra Kuykendall’s days are spent washing dishes, driving to and from different schools and trying to find a better solution to the laundry dilemma. She is the author of  “Loving My Actual Life, An Experiment In Relishing What’s Right In Front of Me” and “The Artist’s Daughter, A Memoir.  A city girl at heart, she makes her home in the shadow of downtown Denver. You can read more of Alex’s everyday thoughts and connect with her at